so i feel really powerful right now. cause i totally am working in the photolab at target, and when you open the start menu you can't play games or use the internet. and guess who just figured out how to access the internet? i did. go me. :D so i'm totally on facebook and livejournal at work. and people think i'm just really super busy on the computer. cause i look so serious. and i am just that freaking awesome.

omg i wanna jump up and down screaming how awesome i am.

of course target is probably watching me and is gonna fire me for my awesomeness. haha.

So I was on facebook looking at Mark's page and reading all the bumper stickers he sent to his new gf and it made me cry. The whole time he was with me he never said anything like that. I feel so used and hurt.

I'm so tired.

Of working.
Of being a mother.
Of having to be everything.

And for the first time in quite a few months, I'm crying. And not just for one thing.

I'm crying for Mark. For everyone calling me weird all the time. For my mom not trusting me. For every possible way I've skrewed up my life. For having so many stupid medical bills that I have to work all the time. For everything.

So the post I was going to write was really sad, and after I wrote it I decided it made me sound like a really dumb girl. So then I was going to write something else but I forgot.

And Vampire Academy is a really good book series. <3 Dimitri. Made me sad that he didn't tell Rose he loved her, just that he wanted her. Oh why did you have to loose your humanity Dimitri?! Can't wait for Book 5.

I really believe I'm turning into a stalker. Mark just makes me so mad. Idiot. How can he continue with life as if nothing happened while I am stuck dealing with all of these problems and expenses. Jerk. Him and all his skanky hoe's he skrewed behind my back.

Yesterday was nice though. Went to King's Dominion with Kenny and then went back to his house, took a nap, and layed out on the trampoline for a few hours watching the clouds and the sunset. His fam is pretty strange though. His mom knows everything about my dad's side of the fam, and his dad never has a shirt on... and his sister hasn't said one flipping word to me, even after I said hello. And everyone is fat, cept Kenny. I mean, I know I'm not skinny, and I'm not judging, but all they do is sit and eat. Crazy.

I'm so bored today. I went to Wegmans, and I totally love that place, but when I go in there for one thing, I can never ever find it. That place is huge.

I really really really wanna dye my hair again.
The hair color is sitting in my bathroom...

So there is nothing like having a day where 3 different guys tell you that they don't want to date you, out of nowhere. And the guy you are dating, isn't really your type, but you're dating him because he makes all the pain go away.

I feel so mean for doing that.

But the good news is that I adopted that husky after waiting 2 days straight at the animal shelter to adopt her so no one else could get her. Her name is Roxy. And OMG is she my fav dog ever. She's about a year old and she walks like right next to me and she follows me everywhere and she sits in the front seat of my car with me :]]] only problem is... she doesn't pee outside, she waits until she comes in and goes on the carpet D: it's getting really annoying. But, today she went outside and I was so proud of her and I gave her a treat haha.

Still pretty sad about those boys though. Mark was like "yeah I care about you like a friend, but dating, no." Thanks. Lee "yeah I like you as a friend but you know I don't want to date you right?" Thanks. Robert "I'm waiting on Kim." Douche.

Roxy loves me. That's all that matters. I even got her a nametag :] it's black with neon pawprints on the back. It's cute. Like her. Hopefully in another week she can be trained enough to sleep in my room :]

So... Bella ran away. Stupid dog. We can't find her. BUUUUUUUT, I did find a beautiful husky that is going up for adoption on the 16. I really want her. She's sooooooooooooooo pretty.

I'm talking to this guy from Texas. He's super tall, and hot. Works for me. Kenny is still trying to hook up with me though. I just don't think it would work. He's just not on my level. I still like Robert, too. That butt-head just hasn't realized yet that I am his soulmate. So he's still with his gf. Gay. Gay. Gay. Straight. Straight. Straight.

So this commercial came on TV the other day informing me that saying the word "gay" in place of saying that something is "stupid" is wrong and that I need to knock it off. Excuse me then, I'll be sure to change that to saying something is "straight." Douchebags.

Being "gay" is becoming such a fad.

So this boy that I used to work with like 4 years ago, randomly came into where I was working, got my number, txt me and now apparently we're almost an item. WTF. Amazing how life can flip around like that. He basically worships the ground I walk on. I love it.

He raises my ego. I love that too.

Today has been wonderful:
-Germanna approved me to continue my classes.
-My boi brought me dinner at work.
-I learned that people care about me at work.

So Robert told me he was getting online soon, and it's been almost an hour and he still hasn't gotten on. How gay is that.

I asked him if he even loved his gf, and he said "i do, but something about you amazes me a lot."

I dunno why I'm so drawn to him. Though, for some reason, only creepers are ever really TRUELY attracted to me. Makes me sad.

Fianlly he got on. Sheesh. Why am I so obsessed with him? He has a gf for pete's sake. D:

So Robert is FINALLY camming me again. Yay!

So this guy. Who is rather creepy. Just told me that he goes to my myspace all the time, and that his heart races when I'm around. It would be cute, but he's so not my type. I mean I would so date him if he would wax all that chest hair off, grown his head hair out, shave all that facial hair, get those tats fixed, finished or removed, talk like a normal human being, wore clothes that fit, and stopped trying to be gangsta.

Basically meaning, turn into a whole different person.

I doubt that will happen, but hey, I can dream.


When I asked God for a boy that loved me, I should've meantioned a hot guy.